We sisters take turns writing, and this week was my week. Molly wrestled with this as well, how can one share current house projects and future DIY’s with the current shift in our family? So instead, I would like to share a slice of my ever present head chatter.
We left Batavia yesterday and to say it was with a heavy heart is an understatement. Our family of six set out towards Maryland in the icy storm waving goodbye to my mom and smiling niece. That little joy nugget is one amazing girl. She delights in everyone around her, and took to my older girls like non other. Many might come into this situation with a mama in the hospital and try to make it all ok for Millie, but leave it to that little one to take your hand and show by action, “No, I’ll show you how we are all going to do this” and poof! your day is instantly filled with laughter and magic.
I was lucky enough to spend some time with Emma, to see a tiny slice of her day. She was brave, happy for her Millie, comforted by all the amazing goodies sent from people near and far, and gracefully putting one foot in front of another. But there is a little “crack” in her sweet heart… and she battles with moments that leave her torn, upset, and just down right mad. Emma mentioned long before this all happened that she just wanted to soak up this precious one on one time with Millie. In an instant, all that hope shifted and now… there is some grief. And I just want her to know that it is ok to grieve, and that it doesn’t take any love away from this little one growing inside of you. Emma, you have done an amazing job raising Millie into the strong, independent, awe-inspiring little girl who’s in love with the world and everyone in it. At one point, I assured Emma that Millie wouldn’t remember this time away from her, and I’d like to take that back now. She will remember seeing her mama growing this amazing gift of a sibling, she will remember that her mama loves her more than all the heavens and was willing to share Millie’s light with others for the time being, and that they were both brave to take these parallel paths that will soon meet again. Being away from Millie is hard, but what a gift you are growing growing growing this future best friend and comfort for her.
During our stay over the holiday I took the girls to see Frozen II…. has anyone seen this yet? I was left motionless during the whole movie and could of sat thru its entirety again once the credits had rolled. My mom made a last minute decision to bring Millie and what a freakin’ joy. She loved it. Everyone around her loved… that she loved it. She danced, voiced concern during tense moments, and much to mother’s dismay… clapped at the ending. We downloaded the soundtrack before leaving the parking lot, and I can’t get any of the songs out of my head. I might of had a couple dance sessions in my kitchen already…. the kids may or may not of been there…. you’ll never know. But let’s just say the mic was DROPPED.
The trip home took extra long due to weather conditions, but we made it! During that time, I had an epiphany. I struggle a little bit with post holiday blues. Anyone else out there the same way? It hits me like a ton of bricks, and I’m just sad. No rhyme or reason just sad. Once I recognized it, I waved hello…politely slapped it on its ass and sent it on its way. We were greeted by our elf, Betsy, and with each motion since then that sadness has dissipated. I think in a way I was missing those who weren’t here… physically gone because they had passed, or family and friends who were near and far but gratefully only a Facetime away. These holiday seasons are a bit tricky at times. So if you’re ever feeling this way, know you are not alone. I just want ALL of my people around me ALL of the time, and for them ALL to happy and healthy and dancing around me at all hours of the night… is that too much to ask?
I think this is it for now. I just laid Wells down for a nap and proceeded to wipe dried cheeto crumbs off my boob. I guess I missed a spot cleaning him up after lunch. He has nursed the longest and …. it works for us right now, but I know this chapter will soon end. I can’t help that this current state in all of our lives is from one of those chose your own adventure books. Some of us are lucky enough to choose our own path, and for others it’s already chosen….either way those paths will be filled with surprises and fun none the less.